The Great Gay Battle of South Park
by guillotineghost
Summary: Cartman and Craig challenge each other to a gay off that will consist of both boys' groups holding a public orgy for the school to view and judge which is the gayest. Before the final showdown, both teams must prepare for what is to come and Stan must convince Kyle to join in on the challenge. Lots of gay, various ships within both parties.
1. Prologue

**A/N: So I think we can all agree that we love their metro outfits, right? This is going to be a collection of gay oneshots with a finale that's probably going to be the most smut filled thing I've ever written. Oh, boy. Progress on this and my other fics will probably be delayed for a while, though, because I really need to work more on my SPBB fic.**

X~x~x

_Prologue_

"We're so gay we just had a big, gay orgy last night!" Cartman snapped his fingers in a Z formation at he and his friends' rival gang from across the lunch table-although the three boys active in the group had done no such thing. They'd really been looking through some fashion magazines stolen from their mothers, commenting on the fine oak furniture sets featured in _Home and Gardens_ or cutting out accessories and making collages of dream wardrobes.

"Yeah, right!" Craig flicked his wrist and rolled his eyes, giving his own friends an unimpressed look. "That so does not make you gayer than us, because Kyle is straight as a board and there's only three of you."

Eric turned to Stan and Kenny, who in turn looked at each other with a defeated expression. This wasn't just a normal school squabble, no, this was life or death because no way in hell were the boys going to let _Craig_ of all people one up them on being gay when it was the best and most in thing to be right now.  
"What if I can get Kyle to turn gay?" Stan placed his hands on his hips. "Then we'll definitely be gayer than you guys!"

"Yeah, if anyone can turn Kyle gay, it's Stan because he's the biggest fag of us all!" Cartman added for accuracy, to which Stan quickly nodded with an exaggerated hair flip that he would likely carry with him should he ever decide to deck himself out in all black.

Craig gave his own comrades a sly look behind his pink shutter shades, then wrapped an arm around Tweek's waist and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Token was painting Clyde's nails a bright shade of blue but managed to look up and give the rival team a haughty smirk.  
"Alright, then," Craig finally spoke after a few silent seconds of deliberation. "You and us-gay off. This Friday after school, we'll meet up on the playground and we'll let everyone watch both of our orgies and decide who the gayest group is."

Kenny snickered into his parka, but quickly covered himself with a cough into his gloved hand. This was going to be too amusing to actually see (and participate in). He had to be the only one here who actually _knew_ what an orgy was and that it would be a revolving door of dick sucking and getting their asses pounded.

"That's right, Kinny, laugh at them because we're gonna orgy so gay you guys will be the most dull, boring, straight heterosexuals South Park has ever seen!" Cartman accepted the challenge without a second thought, slamming his fist on the table for emphasis. "You are so on, Craig!"

"Tell the school, babe," The black haired boy gave Tweek a playful tap on his ass with a smug grin.

"Oh, Jesus!" Tweek gasped, then quickly stood to his feet atop the elongated table. "Why do I always gotta do this?"  
"Because you're the cutest. You have to be our mascot," Clyde shrugged, now outstretching his freshly painted hand before him and giving them a quality check as Token went to work on his other hand. "Also, losers buy tacos."

"HEY-HEY, EVERYONE! OH, GOD!" Tweek screeched to the entirety of the South Park elementary cafeteria turning. "CRAIG AND CARTMAN'S FRIENDS ARE ALL HAVING A GAY OFF THIS FRIDAY AFTER—GAHH!—AFTER SCHOOL AND THE LOSER HAS TO BUY TACOS!" He ran his fingers through his blond locks nervously as the eyes of the students went from him to one another as to signal that this was now the talk of the town.

He reclaimed his seat next to Craig and subconsciously began biting at his nails for a brief second before the other snatched his wrist away.  
"Hey, don't, you'll ruin your manicure," he deadpanned.

"You'll think manicure when we kick your asses tomorrow!" Stan flipped his black bangs again, ignoring a muffled comment from Kenny. "You just wait, me and Kyle are gonna be twice as gay as you and Tweak!"

With that, he took a dramatic exit from the lunch room and decided that it was time to talk some sense into Kyle. He wasn't sure where his Jewish friend had run off to, declaring that these gay escapades weren't "him" and that he just didn't want to go along with the trend, but Kyle would never want to lose to Craig, and at the very least he'd participate in this for the sake of that alone, right?  
At the very least, if Kyle couldn't be convinced, Stan pondered to himself as he roamed the empty hallways, there was always Butters.  
Butters had indulged in homosexual fun before, even if unintentional, and he was their go to replacement for situations like these in which a member of their normal circle might be absent.

_What am I thinking? Kyle won't let us down._

What little did Stan know was that this seemingly harmless challenge would throw both groups of boys in for the most sex packed few days of their lives—days that would encompass experimentation and education on the male anatomy that no one _straight_ boy would ever both to endure.  
Some of them would be left begging for more at the sensations they'd be introduced to. Others might be repulsed and turned off from actual homosexual activity for the rest of their lives.  
Who knew.  
And at the end of it, however, they'd be left with more than just a lesson on life and sore asses.


	2. Catamite After School (Creek)

**A/N: I'd like to say thank you so much for all of your support towards this fic! I definitely didn't expect this many people to follow and leave nice reviews, and I appreciate it so much! :D If you enjoy my writing, check out my other SP fics and my tumblr (guillotineghosties).**

_Monday-Four Days Remain_

Clicking his tongue in his cheek, Clyde raised his eyebrows when Craig stepped out of changing room in hot pink booty shorts and knee high boots. Despite the confused looks the group of boys were getting in the mall, the four of them were as psyched as ever for their victorious debut in front of the school.

"Well?" Craig placed a hand on his hip and tilted his head to the side. "How do I look?"

"Really gay. So gay I have a hard on right now."

"Nice. We're gonna look so hot when we wipe the floor with those losers."

Tweek and Token sat together on the bench nearby, each holding a cup of coffee from the Starbucks across from the GAP where they were testing outfits. When school had let out, they made a beeline to pick out their battle wardrobe for the big event, and Clyde was already thinking of flyer designs to throw together in Photoshop when he got home. He was going to leave them all around the school so that not a soul would miss it.

"Wait!" Tweek shook his head, only to quickly pat his blond locks back into place. "A hard on, Clyde?! Oh god—" looking at their pack leader in such tight clothing _did_ evoke a certain tightness his own pants. "Me, too."

The four exchanged glances in a half awkward, half sexually charged silence.  
It didn't seem like such a bad idea, for the four of them to pile into the changing room and take turns sucking each other off, save for the fact that it would dirty up these new clothes before they were even purchased.  
Token thought about proposing it, but decided against that because he was the one picking up the tab on this little shopping spree.

Clyde finally spoke up. "Well, why don't we go home and do something about it?"

"D-Do something about it?" Tweek squealed. "Oh god, I'm—I'm still a virgin, you guys! I didn't sign up for his!" He yanked at his hair without hesitation now, eyes dilating at the thought of losing his v-card this way. He hadn't thought about how he would've liked to have lost it, now that he was trying to envision it, because he didn't plan on ever having sex to begin with.  
It was too awkward. Too uncomfortable.  
And inconvenient, given that he could get himself off far more easily than anyone else could because with his nerves no way could he keep a consistent hard on.

"Don't worry, Tweek. I got you babe," Craig said with a dismissively wrist flick before disappearing into the changing room to revert back to his pink and white attire.  
The blond gulped and bit at his lip anxiously and looked to Clyde and Token with widened, questioning eyes that somehow reminded them of the time they'd gotten lost together in a corn maze on that second grade field trip. "Guys, I can't actually have sex!"  
Clyde blinked. "Yeah, you can. You just do, dude. It's not hard. "  
"Yeah," Token agreed with a shrug. "And I've never heard of Craig bottoming, so you'll just have to lay there and take it—"  
"Wait, you guys have—had sex with him already?!" The blond screeched, earning the group some peculiar looks from the shoppers in earshot.  
"We took each other's V cards," Clyde spoke a casual tone of the subject, as if he were just discussing he and their friend playing video games together, instead. "Earlier this year. And of course we've messed around with Token on different occasions. Like…"  
"Last week? We made out in that bouncy house at the fair."  
"Yeah!"

Tweek felt inadequate suddenly at the realization that all of his friends were messing around behind his back—it was practically a betrayal! Sure, he'd been the newest member to their circle but he should have at least been made aware of the gay activities going on!  
_What if they laugh about me when they're doing it?  
What if they think I'd suck in the sack! Gahhh!_

"You alright, Tweek? Your eye's twitching again." Clyde reach at the side of his head to massage his thumb over the blond's left eyelid.  
"I'm fine! Gah!"

After a quick lunch in the food court that consisted of organic salads that none of the boys actually ate (to watch their figures, of course), aside from picking out the chicken strips, the party split ways with Craig all too eager to take Tweek to his house. Clyde had a knowing grin across his face as he and Token left the parking lot. Tweek wondered if they were going to do any practicing of their own, and clenched at his belt uncomfortably as the thoughts drifted to his crotch.  
The walk to Craig's house was nothing less of silent and awkward, with the blond keeping a few paces behind him and suddenly noticing just how chapped his lips were. The all natural oil balm—whatever it was that Token had bought a pack of and given a tube to each of them—had been smeared away onto his sleeve hours ago, and so the cool Colorado wind was taking its toll on him.  
This sudden worried him because, _oh god what if he tries to kiss me and my lips are so dry that they gross him out?_

He'd been inside of Craig's room plenty of times at this point, but this time something seemed different aside from the cherry blossom scented plugin and the fact that his furniture had actually been dusted. Had the other boys really started being OCD with their rooms?  
Tweek realized he had some serious cleaning up to do when he got home; that empty cereal bowl had been on his night stand since Saturday, when the newest episode of Red Racer had been too intense for him to take it downstairs. He'd been on the phone with Craig, then, speculating as to the identity of the newest villain that had showed up to stump the protagonists.

"So, how far have you been?" Craig folded his vibrant shutter shades and set them on his onto his desk.

"Oh man, you're gonna laugh at me," Tweek bit his lip. "I—I haven't even kissed a girl yet! Or a boy! Gah, which ones count more?"

"Really, dude?"

"Yes." Both of his hands went to his scalp and manicured nails trailed along his hair follicles. "I'm such an embarrassment! God dammit."

"Just relax. It's no big deal." Craig's voice had a new, soothing quality to it. "Kissing is about liking each other, and I really like you so we can kiss. If you want."

The blond wanted to blurt out that of course he wanted to, because who in their right mind wouldn't want a taste of Craig Tucker? He wasn't just popular among girls, but the boys thought he was hot, too, and Tweek was never actually sure as to why he'd taken a shining to him after their mockery of a fight back in shop class.

Craig guided him over to the bed, sat him down, and straddled across his lap. "Relax, dude. Shh…"  
Tweek tried to do so, releasing the grip on his head for the other boy to lace their fingers together. He noticed just how smooth Craig's palms were compared to how sweaty and scabby his own were. He still had two band aids on his left pinky finger from where he'd chewed on his nails too hard. The other boys had decided from the start of their metro sexuality that he couldn't wear colored polish.

He let out an audible gasp when their lips made contact; he resisted the urge to instinctively pull away from the foreign sensation. Craig's mouth was just as soft as the rest of his body, and his heart nearly jumped straight from his chest when he got a taste of the wet, candy apple coated tongue from the breath spray that was on sell at the kiosks earlier.  
The flavor actually reminded him of a certain flavor cappuccino he couldn't exactly pin a particular memory, too, and he felt his nerves settle if only for a moment. It was enough time for him to firmly close his eyes and try to kiss back, lapping his tongue over Craig's.

The black haired boy seemed satisfied, grinning at him when their faces finally parted. During their making out, Tweek had actually eased onto his back, leaving his hard on under the other.  
Craig grinned. "Excited?"

"No!—Well, yeah. Oh, Jesus."

"I can tell."

Left eye twitching again as Craig grinded their hips together, Tweek dug his teeth into the small finger that was covered in the kitty patterned band aids (they'd come from Butter's personal collection). There wasn't going to be any willing away his hard on, and he could see the outline of Craig's cock through those short, pink hotpants that did his figure justice. They were dry humping before he could give their situation enough thought to have a panic attack over, and hands that weren't his had unbuttoned and yanked down his boxers.  
As if Craig's mouth wasn't amazing enough when they'd been kissing, now the smooth wetness was enveloped around the head of his dick and the underside of his tongue lapped over the crevice of precum.

"Craig—oh, god." Tweek took in a sharp breath and bucked his hips forward, sending his shaft further into Craig's throat, who took it like a pro and relaxed his esophagus enough to take in the other's entirety. "F-Fuck, dude…"

He was seeing stars now, the front of his face exploding with heat that reminded him of running a fever.  
Fuck fever.  
His back broke out in goosebumps when he came, not having the self-control that would only come with further experience.  
Craig swallowed his friend's semen without question and proceeded to unbutton his own shorts and jerk himself off. Tweek tried not to stare, but couldn't fixate his eyes elsewhere because damn, soon enough Craig would be fucking him with that and it'd probably tear his frail, anemic body in two.  
He wanted to try what Craig had just done to him—to return the favor, of course—but couldn't find his voice in the afterglow of his first time ejaculating thanks to someone else.

When Craig did finally cum, he snatched up a Kleenix from the nightstand as to avoid staining anything in white. These new sheets were probably a high thread count (whatever that meant), and he didn't want to sully them. He thought of trying to get himself up again, so that they could actually get to fucking and to using those extra lubricated condoms that had been hidden under his bed for a year now, but the other boy looked nowhere near ready to actually fuck.

He plopped next to Tweek, kissed his forehead, and loosely spooned his body. "That was totally hot, Tweek."

"Y-Yeah!" His voice cracked in reply. "Not as, uh, nerve wrecking as I thought. I really like you, Craig. I think I might've been gay for you all along." He nervously smiled and absentmindedly chewed at his nails, pondering on this sudden realization.

"No way, dude, I was gay first."


End file.
